At the end of every December, I start thinking hard about what I want the next year to be like for me. You can chalk it up to all the Capricorn placements in my birth chart if you want (and I do!) or blame the cultural obsession with a “new year, new me” approach, but I take my New Year’s resolutions seriously and generally try to come up with realistic, actionable plans to improve myself and my life. It’s easy to identify the things I want to change and even easy to figure out how, exactly, I should do that, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to stick to it. Real life gets in the way no matter what year it is. When it comes to habit-forming, sometimes you have to play hardball. Here’s how I use penalties to succeed in my resolutions.
What do I mean by New Year’s resolution “penalties?”
When you’re trying to make a change, an intrinsic reward may not always cut it. Sure, you know that you’ll boost your endorphins and strengthen your body if you go to the gym more often, but that takes time to play out and is easy to give up on if you’re not seeing immediate results. I always recommend cleaning your home in bursts, bit by bit, too, so you won’t get overwhelmed—but again, if you don’t see fast progress, you can quickly lose motivation.
The solution here is to stop looking for intrinsic motivation at all and start motivating yourself with external stakes. You need to assign penalties to your goals, especially your New Year’s resolutions. A resolution can’t be as simple as, “I resolve to call my mom more often.” You need an implementation strategy, like setting up a defined time for when you’ll do that, plus a little extra motivation. Consider, then, “I resolve to call my mom three times per week or else I will send her a bouquet.” It’s easier to make three phone calls than spend over $80 on some flowers, and your mom would probably appreciate both, so the money-saving here should motivate you to get the calls done.
Ideas for resolution penalties
I use penalties all the time in my daily life and have for years. Back in college, I was a devout calorie counter, but I noticed I would avoid entering in my calorie totals on my “cheat days,” which would snowball into me getting lackadaisical about data entry over the next few days. I implemented a personal penalty system that involved getting a small treat, like a pudding cup, at the end of every day when I entered all my foods honestly. That worked fine for me, since I am pretty good at holding my own self accountable, but it may not be enough for you. Nothing is actually stopping you from just eating the pudding cup. Here are some other ideas:
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Tell a few people about your resolutions and schedule periodic check-ins with them. You don’t want to get asked by a friend how your money-saving resolution is going and have to tell them you forgot to stash any away this week. Choose a friend who is responsible and, ideally, one who will give you a little bit of a hard time if you don’t follow through. I deputized one of my friends to bother me about my financial habits three years ago and, thanks to her commitment to being as incessantly annoying as possible, paid off a bunch of my bills in record time.
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Bet on it. There are apps out there like Forfeit that require you to put money out upfront, then prove that you’re sticking to your goals. You can submit relevant materials, like proof of a workout, to stop them from holding onto your money at the end of your pre-defined timeline. It sounds intense because it is—but if you’re really struggling to stay on top of your goals, it can work.
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Set yourself up to win or fail. I’ll explain: When I need to clean my apartment but just can’t find the motivation, I invite a friend over for dinner a few days in advance. Then, knowing someone is going to enter my home at a set time that I can’t change, I suddenly find the motivation to make sure it’s clean. I do this in the gym, too, planning a sick outfit for, say, an event a month in advance, then working out every day with the outfit in mind. Even if no one knows what I’m up to, I’d feel bad if I canceled the dinner or switched the outfit just because I personally failed my own mission. I don’t like being disappointed in myself.
As you make your resolutions, try adding some kind of penalty clause, even if it’s small, if you have typically have a hard time sticking with it. If the negativity associated with a penalty isn’t motivating you, try flipping the script to suit your needs. Rewards can be helpful, too. Instead of taking something away from yourself if you don’t succeed in changing your habits, try giving yourself something if you do. Hell, do both. One of my resolutions this year centers on a big goal I have for one of my personal projects. If I don’t make steps toward meeting it every week, I’m denying myself my usual Friday night out; but if I do take a major step toward achieving it, I’m doubling the amount I allow myself to spend that Friday. And yes, I’m telling my friends to make sure they keep me in line.
